IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

Imagine a day in which the pain never stops. You foot and ankle feel like they are on fire. Every second , the pins and needles are poking into your leg.

Imagine looking for the answers to the disease you have been diagnosed to have. Each article that you read uses the words chronic and incurable. Spending hours doing research and feeling you still have no answer.

Imagine having 5 nerve blocks. A nerve block is done by putting a needle in the back of your thigh with an electrical pulse going through it to make your foot jump. the pain-free time should last day after the procedure but only lasts hours.

Imagine a life that no longer has a normal. All day you are in bed trying to keep the swelling down in your foot. The moment you get up to walk around your foot swells up and turn a blue color.

Imagine taking medications that make you feel like you are in another world. The bottles of pills become confusing with what to take and when. The pain never goes away , you just don't care as much that you have it.

I could never have imagined any of these things. I never would have wished any of these things on anyone. I now watch my hubby experience all of these things daily and more. My frustration at being so helpless to do anything grows daily. It's also hard to imagine that so many people out there have RSD and so few know about it.

Waddling to imagine better days for my hubby...........

MIND GAMES

Today was the biggest, longest run of marathon training. After today, the taper was to begin. Physically, I was ready to go. Mentally however, everything was not in place. I could make many excuses but it really was many different things that distracted me.

Within the first 10 steps, I knew how the run was going to go and it wasn't good. The pace was rather fast for me but I hung in. Snips and I had our usual non-stop converstion going. We had 2 weeks of stuff to catch up on. The Glen Ellyn Runners had the water stops set up as ususal but when we hit mile 8, they had bananas/oranges/pretzels. What a treat!

When we hit the 10 mile mark, Snips had her mind made up to run 22 today. As we passed the marker rather than turning around, I felt a twinge of pain in the arch of my right foot. It had been painful going down stairs but I ignored it. At 10.5, I turned back . My pace dropped back but I hung in there. Slow and steady was my pace to 16 miles. At that point I took a walk break. I could never get going again after that. Snips passed me on her way back and I encouraged her to continue without me-she looked so strong. At 19 miles, I came upon another one of our runners who was walking. I just walked the rest of the way with her.

It was not the run that I wanted it to be. I could make a million excuses for what a bad run it was. I made deals and played mind games with myself to get to the end. I wondered at times if the pain in my foot was mentally and excuse to walk or was it for real. Whatever happened out there today ,it sucked. My kudos to Snips who had a great run and it was her longest ever.

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The training is in the books. Now the taper begins.

Waddling with disappointment...........